Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26: That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29: For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32: This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Introduction

In this section, the apostle Paul deals with a very important and a practical subject, namely, family and marriage. As we talk about this subject, I want us all to understand that this  is important not just for those who are married, but for every member of our church. Young people, little children, boys and girls, you need to be familiar with God’s Word about family and marriage. Because our society and culture will not teach you about God’s design for family and marriage, but God’s Word will. So, I ask you to listen carefully and learn, because “there is meat on the bone for all of us.”

Last Sunday, we talked about the primary responsibility of the wife to her husband, which is humble and reverential submission to the husband in everything. This submission is as unto the Lord and as it is fit in the Lord. This morning our focus will be on the responsibility of husband to her wife. Let’s read our text again:

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26: That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29: For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32: This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

After commanding wives to submit to their own husbands, Paul now turns his attention to the husbands by commanding them to love their wives. As the key word for the wife is “submit”, the key word for the husband is “love”. While the primary responsibility of the wife to her husband is submission, the primary responsibility of the husband to her wife is love. Some might say, “That’s easy. That’s the reason I married my wife in the first place.” If you say that you probably have not been married long. “The romantic love that led you to the altar on your wedding day is not enough. There must be a much deeper love if you are going to going glorify God and reflect the relationship of Christ to the church in your marriage.” 

Let’s consider this passage in three headings, namely, The Meaning of Love, The Model of Love, and The Manifestation of Love.

I - The Meaning of that Love

In this passage, the apostle Paul instructs husbands in three separate verses to love their wives! 

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Three times in this passage, the apostle Paul instructs husbands to love their wives. Because, I believe he wants to make sure that the husbands get the message. One of the most abused and misused words in the English language is love. Therefore, it is important for us to know the meaning of this love. What is this love? What kind of love is the husband to exercise towards his wife? As you may already know there are basically three kinds of love. In the Greek language there are three words that are used for love, namely eros, phileo, and agape. Let’s look at each one of them.

The first kind of love is eros love. This refers to romantic love. Eros is the kind of love mostly known by the world. This eros love is physical attraction, love between two opposite sex. This love is not necessarily wrong. A love between a man and woman, a husband and a wife is natural and never condemned in the Bible. The word eros is not found in the pages of the New Testament. But, the concept of physical love, expressed in the context of marriage is found and affirmed in the New Testament (see 1 Cor. 7:5; Heb. 13:4). God created romantic love (eros) to be expressed in marriage between husbands and wives.

The second kind of love is phileo. Phileo love is essentially friendly love. It is the love we have for our friends, especially close friends, or family. God created us to be connected to friends (philos)—to live in community. This is the root word for words like philanthropy, which mean a love of humanity, and Philadelphia which means ‘city of brotherly love.’ It was the word used by our Lord in Matthew 10:37, where he said, “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” The word He used is ‘philos’ to indicate love for father and mother or son and daughter.

The third kind of love is agape. The meaning of this word ‘agape love’ is very different from the other two kinds of love. Although, eros and phileo are both wholesome and good, they both can be corrupted. These two kinds of love can be motivated by self-interest, self-gratification, and self-protection. But this word ‘agape love’ alone points to a completely self-sacrificing love, a love that lacks self-interest, self-gratification, and self-preservation. Agape love is motivated primarily by the interest and welfare of others.

Agape is the highest kind of love. Now, that is not to say that eros (romantic love) and phileo (friendship and brotherly) love are insignificant and meaningless. God created romantic love (eros) but it is to be expressed in marriage between husbands and wives. God created us to be connected to friends (philos)—to live in community. But the highest of kind of love is agape love. This is the kind of love that the husband is command toward his wife. And the apostle Paul gives us the model for this kind of love which brings us to the next heading.

II - The Model of that Love

The second thing I want us to focus on is the model of this love. Paul gives the example of Jesus Christ’s love for His church.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church …

The husband is to love his wife, even as, or equal to, or reflective of the love of Christ for the church. This command implies the importance of knowing and understanding something of the love that Christ has for us. Because if I, as a husband is going to love my wife in the way God calls me to do, I must understand something of just how much Christ loves me and what His love has done for me and is doing for me. Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.” What does that mean? How do I do that? And what is the nature of Christ’s love for the church? Paul tells us in our text.

First, it is a sacrificial love

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

The love of Christ for the church is a sacrificial love. Christ’s love is most clearly demonstrated in how He “gave Himself for it.” And when did He love us and give Himself for us? Please turn to another of Paul’s letter—the book of Romans.

Romans 5:5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. 6: For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7: For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. 8: But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 9: Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. 10: For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

Just think about the love of Christ for us, He loved us when we were yet without strength, “while we were yet sinners,” while we were ungodly, and “when we were enemies.” He loved us when we were unlovable. He loved us even before we had desire to know Him. God loved us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for us. Truly, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Christ’s love for the church was a divine sacrificial act.

The love that the husband is called to have for his wife is the kind of love that, in the words of Paul, “Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own.” It is love that strives to the highest good and willing to sacrifice everything to protect and care of the one loved. Gregory Brown puts it this way, “To love sacrificially means the husband must at times forgo his free time, entertainment, friendships, and sometimes even career in order to love his wife. It is sad to see how many husbands, because of their careers, are not even home to love their wives or their children.”

Second, it is a sanctifying love

Not only is the love of Christ for the church a sacrificial love, but it is also a sanctifying love. Look at what Paul says in …

Ephesians 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Here we see the goal of Christ’s self-sacrificial love for the church. Christ gave Himself up for the church “that he might sanctify and cleanse it.” “Sanctify” means to make holy or set apart.

How is Christ sanctifying and cleansing His church? Paul writes, “with the washing of water by the word.” Today, Christ is cleansing His church through the ministry of His Word (John 15:3; 17:17). Church, as you sit under the preaching of the Word of God this morning, as you spend time alone in the Word, every time you hear and read and meditate on the Word of God, you are being washed, you are being cleansed, you are being renewed in your mind.

Our Lord Jesus even now is in the process of sanctifying the church. The church today is not perfect; it has spots and wrinkles. But as the church is nourished by the Word, these spots and wrinkles ought to disappear. Christ sanctifies His church so that at the end times “he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”

As Christ’s love is sanctifying love, sanctifying His bride, the church, so the husband’s love also should be a sanctifying love. The love of the husband for his wife ought to be cleansing her. God calls us husbands to love our wives and to help them reach maturity in Christ. This will mean spending time with your wife in the Word and prayer. It will mean getting involved in a local church like GTBBC where you and your wife can grow and serve together. It is a sanctifying love, where both the husband and wife are growing in grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and becoming more like Christ.

III - The Manifestation of that Love

The next thing I want us to focus is the manifestation or expression of the husband’s love for the wife. How is the husband’s love to his wife to be expressed?

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29: For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32: This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Back in verse 25, Paul makes it clear that husbands should love their own wives in the same manner that Jesus Christ loved the church by dying for her on the cross. But as he continues to speak to the husbands, Paul adds another argument. The Christian husband must love his wife because he is one with her, just as Jesus Christ is one with the church. He reminds the husbands that marriage turns two people into “one flesh” or one body or unit. He does this by quoting Genesis 2:24, in verse 31, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” When a man is joined to his wife in holy matrimony, they become one flesh. The husband is now united to the wife in a supernatural, mystical way and even as Christ to the church. The reality of this union must dominate the husband’s thinking and actions in marriage. The husband must love his wife as he would his body, as a part of himself. Just as Christ is the Head, the church is the body, so the husband is the head of the wife. So, the husband ought to love his own wives as his own body.

As normal human beings we take care of our own bodies. We instinctively, “nourish and cherish” our bodies. In the same way, the husband should naturally desire to nourish and cherish his wife. The words “nourisheth and cherisheth” in verse 29 express tenderness and concern. Webster says that nourish means “to nurture, to rear, to promote the growth of, to provide with the food or other substances necessary for growth and health. While cherish means to hold dear, to feel or show affection for, protect and care for lovingly, to keep or cultivate with care and affection.”

As someone has said, “The husband is the provider, the protector and the preserver. Husbands are missing the mark when they view their wives as objects—cooks, babysitter, house cleaner, sex partner, etc. She is God's gift and is to be continually cherished and nourished.”

Notice the words “nourisheth and cherisheth” are in the present tense, which means these are to be active and continuous action. Just as our Lord never let-up in nourishing and cherishing His church, so the husband is exhorted to do also for his wife. Commentator Guzik writes, “He who loves his wife loves himself: Simply said, when you love your wife, you benefit yourself. Perhaps it is better to put it in the negative: when you neglect your wife, you neglect yourself, and it will come back to hurt you.” So, the husbands among us, let us be committed to nourish and cherish our wives.

Closing Exhortations

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

The primary responsibility of the wife to her husband is to humbly submit to her husband as unto the Lord. The primary responsibility of the husband to his wife is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Do you wonder why God emphasized submission and love for wives and husbands respectively? I believe for the simple reason that wives’ common failure is submission and husbands’ common failure is the area of love. What wives need most is love and affection, and what husbands need most is respect and honor.

Husbands and wives, understand that our respective primary responsibility is impossible to completely fulfill in our own strength. Who among us is able to fulfil such a heavy and serious responsibilities? Who is sufficient for these things? Do you now see why Paul started this portion on dealing with marriage and family the way he started it in verse 18? “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit.”

Just as wives need to be filled and energized by the Holy Spirit, so we too, husbands need His power and strength in order to carry out our responsibilities. If our marriage is going to function correctly, we need the Spirit of God to empower us, both husbands and wives. Marriage has often been compared to a triangle with God at the peak and the husband and the wife on the sides. As the husband and the wife get closer to God, they get closer to one another. As we abide in the Spirit through prayer, time in the Word, and fellowship, the fruit of the Spirit is developed and nurtured in our marriages. Understand that a happy and successful marriage does not happen automatically. As someone puts it, “The key to a happy and successful marriage and family is being a healthy Christian who is full of the Holy Spirit and who loves the Lord Jesus Christ. And is growing in grace and in love and in knowledge of the Lord Jesus.”

So, the question is, “Are you growing in grace and the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ?” This is where it starts. It starts with our personal relationship with God. The most important thing is our own walk with God, our being filled with the Spirit of God moment by moment and our understanding of the love of Christ for us.

May God bless you and your marriage and your family as you grow in His grace and in His knowledge!

AMEN!