Ephesians 5:18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; 19: Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20: Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21: Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26: That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29: For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32: This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Introduction

In this section, the apostle Paul will deal with a very important and a practical subject, namely, family living. That’s what we are going to focus on this morning and the next three Sundays. As we look into this important subject, it is important to understand the cultural context in which Paul is teaching them about family living. Paul is writing to believers in a pagan city called Ephesus. Marriage was broken in the pagan world. Listen to what Demosthenes, a Greek statesman and orator said about family, “We have courtesans [prostitutes] for the sake of pleasure; we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation; we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately, and of having a faithful guardian for all our household affairs.” Xenophon, a Greek historian said it was the husband’s aim that a wife “might see as little as possible, hear as little as possible and ask as little as possible.” Socrates, a Greek philosopher from Athens said, “Is there anyone to whom you entrust more serious matters than to your wife—and is there anyone to whom you talk less?”

This is the kind of society and culture that these believers in Ephesus lived in. It was a society that is characterized with adultery and low view of marriage, family, and women. The marriage bond was virtually meaningless. And in this context, Paul exhorts the Ephesian believers and teaches them God’s original design for family. By the way, this is a very important subject, because it is no different today, we also live in a society that has a low view of family and marriage and women. We also live in a society in which divorce, adultery, and cohabitation are increasingly becoming more common and accepted.

This morning and in the next two or three Sundays, our consideration will be focused on various responsibilities, namely, responsibility of wives, responsibility of husbands, responsibility of children, responsibility of parents, responsibility of servants, and responsibility of masters. 

If you remember, the apostle Paul exhorted the believers in Ephesus with these words, “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit.” As we already learned, this is an exhortation for Christians to be controlled and empowered by the Spirit of God. This is, by the way, a command for all believers of all ages. Paul understands that these various responsibilities cannot be carried out properly without the filling of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit of God wants to enable and empower us and impart to us an ability that we would not have, apart from Him. As someone puts it, “What God has called us to, He equips us for, by His Spirit.”

The apostle Paul begins with the responsibility of the wife and the responsibility of the husband. 

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Paul again stated this responsibility of the wife and of the husband in …

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19: Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

The apostle Peter also addresses the husbands and wives’ responsibilities in ...

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

These are some of the key passages in all the Word of God about husbands and wives. In these passages the apostle Paul gives some very helpful teaching on the basic role of the husband and the wife. In these passages we see the primary responsibility of the wife and of the husband. For the wife, it is clear that her primary responsibility to her husband is to submit. For the husband, his primary responsibility to his wife is to love. Now, the first responsibility that Paul addresses is of the ladies, the wives. That’s what we are going to focus on this morning—the primary responsibility to the wife to her husband. Next Sunday, God willing we will focus on the responsibility of the husband to his wife.

But before we talk about the responsibility of wives, I would like to remind us of some foundational truths taught in the Scripture about men and women. Please turn to the first chapter of the first book of the Bible, the book of Genesis.

Genesis 1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. 27: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

Here we read that “God created them male and female.” Both male and female were made by God, and they were both made in the image of God. Men and women were created equal. As the Declaration of Independence says, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” Men are not superior to women, or women are not superior to men. Men and women are equal in creation, in dignity, in worth, and privileges. Now, though equal in dignity and value before God and before each other, yet, different in responsibilities. Men and women are different not only physically but also in their respective roles. Though God created men and women equal in worth and dignity, God has given us different functions. Men and women have different designs, and different responsibilities but the same purpose which is the glory of God! To deny the difference between men and women or try to blur or blend these as one is to question and reject God’s design and wisdom which leads to confusion and turmoil.

Now, turn to …

Genesis 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22: And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Here we learn that Eve was taken from Adam’s rib. God did not take a bone from Adam’s head, to symbolize that the woman should rule, nor was taken from Adam’s foot, to teach that the man should trample upon her, to be used or abused. But rather the Bible says, Eve was taken from Adam’s rib to symbolized she is equal in dignity and privileges. She was taken from Adam’s rib which is close to Adam’s heart to be loved and to be cherished.

Now, in Ephesians 5:23, Paul goes on to say, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” Again, this does not mean that the woman is inferior to the man, or the man is superior to the woman. For we already have established that the man and woman are equal in dignity and privileges. It only means the man and the woman have different function and responsibilities within the marriage relationship.

So, as we talk about the responsibility of the wife, keep this fundamental truth in mind that “God created them male and female,” equal in creation, equal in dignity, equal in value, equal in importance and worth and equal in privilege, but also given different role and responsibility in marriage and family life. And as I have noted earlier, the God-given responsibility of a wife to her husband is submission. But what does submission mean? Why should wives submit to their husbands? And how should wives submit to their husbands? Let’s talk about The Nature of the Wife’s Submission, The Ground of the Wife’s Submission, and The Extent of Wife’s Submission.

I - The Nature of the Wife’s Submission

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The primary responsibility of the wife to her husband is submit. There are three things I want to highlight regarding this primary responsibility of the wife to her husband.

First, the word ‘submit.’ We live in a culture where submission has become a dirty word. The wife’s submission to her husband is a very controversial topic that not too many want to hear it. But Christianity is counterculture. As believers we do not follow the culture, we follow the Word of God. In the words of Isaiah in Isaiah 8:20, “To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.”

So, let’s look at this word, “submit”. First, notice it does not say “Wives, obey your husbands.” But rather it says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” It does not mean that the wife is commanded to obey her husband as a child would obey his parents or a servant would obey his master. The word ‘submit’ is translated from the Greek word ‘hupotássō.’ It’s a combination of two words, the word hupó, which means “under,” and tasso, which means “to set in place.” In other words, submission literally means “to put under,” or “to voluntary yield” to the authority of another. So, what this is basically instructing the wife to be willing to put herself under the leadership or authority of her husband out of love for her husband. It’s a voluntary yielding, out of love and respect.

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The second thing I want to highlight is the words, “your own husbands.” 

Wives are to submit to their own husbands, not to all men. A wife is not expected to submit to everyone’s husband, only to her own husband. Also, Paul is addressing “wives” and not “women” generally. So, this is the instruction to wives not to all women. Women are not commanded to submit in a similar way to all men. He is saying that in marriage, the wife should submit to the leadership of her own husband, not of all men.  

The third thing that is important to highlight is the words “as unto the Lord.”

The wife’s submission to her husband is to be done “as unto the Lord.” In the parallel passage in Colossians 3:18, the Paul writes, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” or as is appropriate or proper for those who belong to the Lord. In other words, the wife’s submission is not based on the character or performance of her husband but based on her relationship with Christ. The wife’s submission to her husband flows from and reflects her relationship with Christ. Peter even commands wives to submit to husbands who are not believers.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2: While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

When a wife voluntarily and willingly submits to her husband, she is simultaneously submitting to the Lord. Her submission is an act of her love to the Lord. As someone has said, “Success in marriage is more than finding the right person; it is being the right person.”

“For better or for worse,” we pledge,

Through sickness and through strife;

And by God's grace and with His help

We'll keep these vows for life.

–D J De Haan

II - The Reason of the Wife’s Submission

Ephesians 5:23 For (Paul here will give us the reason or the basis of the wife’s submission to her husband) the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

We find here a twofold reason of the wife’s submission to her husband. First reason is, because this is God’s design for marriage— the husband is the head of the wife. Notice that Paul doesn’t say that husbands should be the head of their wives. He says that they are. This is a statement of fact, not a command, an indicative, not an imperative. This is God’s plan and design in the marriage.

Paul says the same truth in his other writings.

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

1 Corinthians 11:8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 9: Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

1 Timothy 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 12: But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13: For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14: And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 15: Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

This is the way God created the man and the wife. The woman was created after the man. God created Adam first and Eve second. The woman was made of the man, taken from one of the ribs of the man. The woman was made for the man to be his help meet. Help meet means to be a counterpart, a helper to be companion for him, a partner completing him. Man is incomplete without someone to complement him. The woman was made by God to meet man’s deficiency. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” This is both humbling and glorious. It is humbling, because she was made for the man. But it is also the wife’s glory, because she was made to complement another. Man is not complete without the woman.

Understand that submission of the wife to her husband has nothing to do with inferior to superior. We already have established that the husband and the wife are equals—equal in creation, in dignity, in worth, in value, in privileges. But the wife, knowing and understanding God’s design in marriage, she willingly chooses to submit with humility and with reverence.

The Second reason we find here of the wife’s submission is because of the redemptive pattern. Look at our text again, Paul says, “even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (v23b, 24).

The wife is instructed to submit to her husband, not only because this is God’s design, but also because it reflects Christ’s redemptive purpose and plan. Marriage is a beautiful picture of Christ’s relationship to the church. In the same way the church submits to Christ, the wife is called to submit to her husband. And in the same way Christ loved the church, the husband is called to love his wife. We will talk more about the husband’s responsibility next week.

“Marriage is intended by God to be a parable of the way Jesus loves His bride and the way His bride is called to love Him. When God designed marriage in the Garden of Eden, He had this great purpose in mind. He designed marriage to be an earthly picture of a heavenly reality. May our marriages reflect the glory of Jesus’s love for His church and the humility and joy of the church’s love for Jesus. May our marriages bring glory to Jesus as they reflect the gospel of Jesus.” – Pastor John Sypert – Preston Highlands Baptist Church

III -The Extent of the Wife’s Submission

What is the extent of the wife’s submission to her husband?

Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Paul under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit writes, the extent of the wife’s submission is “in everything.” I heard a story about a preacher preaching on this passage—wives to submit to your own husbands in everything. When he was done preaching, a woman approached him, upset and said, “Preacher, that was a repulsive sermon. How dare you tell us wives to submit to our husbands in everything. If you were my husband, I will put poison in your tea tomorrow.” To which the preacher responded, “Lady, if I were your husband, I would drink it.”

No doubt this instruction to the wives to submit to their own husband is ignored and even hated in our culture! I believe it is because of misconception on the side of wives and an abuse on the side of the husbands! But to clear up some of the confusion and negative ideas on this subject, let’s look at what it means for the wives to submit to their own husbands in everything 

First of all, submission in everything does not mean absolute submission in which the husband has unlimited authority. No, submission in everything does not mean that the wife must obey ungodly counsels or commands. The wife is to submit in everything in accordance with the will of God! The wife is not expected by God to obey her husband when it goes contrary to the Word of God. There are plenty of biblical examples about obeying God rather than men if men are asking you to sin.

Remember what Paul says in verse 22, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Also, in Colossians 3:18, Paul writes, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”

Submission is qualified with these two principles, namely, quality and qualification—as unto the Lord, that’s the quality, and as it is fit in the Lord, that’s the qualification. No wife is to obey her husband if the husband asks anything that goes against Scripture or anytime the wife’s personal safety is in danger. So, if the husband is asking the wife to do things that go against God’s revealed will, she doesn’t need to submit to that at all. 

So, what does submission in everything mean? The wife’s submission to her husband extends to all areas or aspects of the family life. The wife is instructed to recognize her husband’s headship and leadership in every department of the family life. Submission also means that the wife should not act unilaterally or separately. She must not see herself as an autonomous person who can do whatever she wants. As John Sypert puts it, “This doesn’t mean that a wife cannot think for herself or make thousands of decisions for herself. It does mean that wives should check with their husbands before they make a big decision or spend a large amount of money or do something that would affect the family. Husbands, by the way, love their wives by doing the same things.”

Understand that this instruction to the wife to submit to her own husband in everything is not a call for absolute or blind obedience but rather a harmonious partnership between husband and wife where both seek to honor and glorify God. And also bear in mind that every command for the wife to be subject to the husband is issued in the context of love. Next Sunday, God willing we will talk about the primary responsibility of the husbands to their wives.

Closing Exhortations

A wife submitting to her husband is not an easy responsibility. True biblical submission is not only difficult, it is impossible. Wives, there is no way you can do this in your own strength. This is the reason the apostle Paul begins this section with exhortation, “… but be filled with the Spirit.” (v.18) We desperately need the Spirit of God. It is only as the Holy Spirit controls our lives that the wives can have the will and the ability to fulfill this responsibility of submission to their husbands. The more the Spirit controls the wife, I believe the more submissive the wife becomes and the more she becomes like Jesus Christ.

Wives, how are you doing on this? Are you being filled in the Spirit of God? Are you growing in your dependence upon the Holy Spirit? Are you striving to submit to your own husband in everything as unto the Lord and as it is and as it is fit in the Lord?

AMEN!